Thursday, December 10, 2009

***On Last Days***

It's my last day in Lancaster, my last day on exchange, my last day of solitude...it was my friends' last day exactly 4 years ago. All 60 of them...Last day to see their friends, last day flying in a plane. Last day to live.
10-12 Happy Birthday Angels
My last day in Lancaster was DISGUSTING. I started to ask myself what I was doing here. Why did I come here? All of a sudden I wanted to be surrounded by my Ottawa family. People who care, and wonder why I'm quiet even when i'm just pausing to take a breath.  Solitude may be peaceful and calming, but it sure as heck is LONELY. The day began...

I missed my 9am alarm and woke up at 11am; frantic and panicky because I had an exam at 2 and two papers two hand. After working on my papers 3 weeks earlier, I submitted them 15minutes late and I lose 10% off each of them. For the first time in  years, my eyes were brimming, I was on the verge of tears. Upset and angry at myself for missing my alarm, for not showering faster, for not eating quicker, for walking instead of running for not planning the night before. Then I remembered it was December 10th and I closed my eyes, put my hands together, bowed my head and pray to God through my Angel. My personal Angel, Hadiza, my baby, and I congratulated her on her 4th Angel birthday because I know that's what her job is now.
In minutes I felt better. NO time didn't rewind for me to submit my papers early and I still had an exam in an hour. But my heart was warmed up and my image in the mirror brightened and my lips drew out into a smile.
My renewal was internal.

Do you believe in Angels? I do. And I know my baby is an Angel and she made me happy today. Sometimes I dedicate steps in my life to her, achievements., good grades. I remember her all the time and I smile because she was the cutest little baby ever. I love you Hadiza and keep watching over us our other 59 Angels.
"To live in the hearts of those you love, is not to die"

Death is pain, it takes away; but Hope gives back...Life - Ijeoma Madueke

Old picture...Just reminded me of Angels...
x!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

***UGLY***

...the second most hurtful word you can say to a person...The first is "hate". But to an extent I think, "You are Ugly" is more hateful than saying "I hate you" If that makes any sense. The former attacks the very self that the person stands for; and you injured that. Too many times we laugh with people, we know them, about other people. "Dissing" the "mole on her face", "the pimples on his face", "her big nose", "his big lips" or just trash-talking their physique. I know I've laughed, because when a funny person says it, it's so hialrious I get stitches. But when I reflect on it, I'm repulsed. By ME.

Most of us are very unaware that people feel "bad" about themselves, they don't feel good enough. So as insensitive as we are, we make spectacles of them, obviously in their absence, but we all know it's a fact "walls have ears". I plead guilty for laughing at people, not thinking that I'm better than them, but just because everyone is having a laugh. If you're innocent, cast a stone. If you aren't, keep the stone and let's turn it into a diamond.

Recently, maybe because of my blog, I compliment people much more. It is truly alarming to witness people's reactions to a simple compliment; they light up {literally}! And I love it. Bastille of Beauty is no longer just a blog, it is a mission... A mission to build up the self-esteem of women who do not feel beautiful;  or feel inadequate. A mission I intend to spread. I once had as a Twitter update
"If she says you're ugly, tell her you're only a reflection  of her ugly heart"
I stick by this and use it as a reminder that each time I laugh at a joke that suggests/insinuates that a person is ugly, I am even uglier because it's from within. This is a call to be more conscious of the self-perception of people around you. And I'm not referring to fashion faux-pas. By all means, laugh at that if you wish. But a Person is a CREATION and we know how much of a perfectionist God is. A creation is like a piece of Art, that you don't understand it, doesn't make it any less remarkable.

On a lighter note, my exchange is done in exactly a week...I'll give an update on that. But I have two words to describe it... "worth it". Kisses Blog fam and have a BEAUTIFUL weekend #TGIF tomorrow.
p.s. I've been bitten by CC's multiple pictures bug... Ouch! teehee!
~x~