Sunday, March 3, 2013

5 Ways to Stop Being a Hater

I watched Toke Makinwa's Vlog posted to Bella Naija last week '5 Ways To Spot a Hater' and I couldn't help feeling like so-called 'haters' are the victims in this situation. Before you get antsy, let me explain. For the longest time, I was always annoyed about celebrities and non-celebrities addressing this elusive 'hater'. No one hates you, I'd say and skip to the next tweet, video or blog.

But then I realised there's a little bit of hater in all of us. But the 'Haters' are the unfortunate ones who let the negativity consume them. Haters aren't evil,  they are Victims of Circumstance. I was once a hater, I'll admit it! if you've never been a hater, then you're probably in denial. Hating is what pushes an opinion to a critique, disapproval to slander and disagreement to a grudge. I'll let those of you who want to stop hating in on what changed me from being a hater. If you're looking for a 'believe in your self' type of post. This is not for you, I'm being practical. So this post is for the Haters who don't want to hate anymore.

1. Say the Opposite of What You're Thinking
There's nothing more annoying than hearing people say 'Hold your tongue' because it is unrealistic. We can NOT fight the urge to speak. But here's what we can manage, what we actually SAY. In the natural Hater-ation process, if we see a girl's dress first think we think is 'Her dress is too tight. See her folds bulging' Instead, I'd say, 'I like that shade of Green...Wow. Really nice' This way you haven't lied but you haven't hated! Boom!

2. Compliment the most random things
Sometimes, there isn't always the most outrightly obvious thing to compliment someone on. But remember we're working to STOP being Haters! So find something. A ring, a belt, earrings, LIPSTICK. Lipstick has to be the easiest. And use Extreme pronouns, 'Gorgeous Lipstick, Mac?'. The sad thing is, in Nigeria, you cannot to do this a total stranger without being accused of 'Famzing', so please, I'm not advising that. Let's not ditch one label, Only to get another.

3. Counteract your 'hater' friend
 There's always THAT person in the crew who's handy with the disses. Most times, that's what why we end up being haters. Birds of the same feather never mattered as much as in this case. You keep listening to the same thing over and over, you're going to start thinking it. This move is exploitative because we're leveraging off a Hater friend, But All's fair in Love and Hate. So let's USE the Hating friend and for every negative she says about something/someone, we say a positive. In no time, we'll become the Devil's Advocate for Anti-Hating. Amen to that!

4. Look for the Positive in your object of Hate
I believe this is the DEEPEST and strongest form of Hating. When there is the ONE person you just always have negative thoughts and actions about. Especially when this person is an acquaintance and you are surrounded by her. You read her tweets, See her Pictures on Instagramm, There is NO escape. I advice getting around this by looking for the positive. This is sort of like 'Compliment the most random things' rule but the struggle is internal. Don't say it to her. Say it to yourself! ALOUD! Think it, Breathe it, Live it! This is probably the hardest hating bridge to cross but once you get to the other side, the scales will fall and you'll realise you've been blinded to how nice/beautiful this person actually is.

5. Hide how you truly feel
I can go on and on with the rules but the truth is, it's hard to stop hating. It's a Domino effect once you start, you can't just STOP Hating. The ball has to be set in motion and we guide in down the Hating Hill. So till it gets down, don't let anyone know you're hating. HIDE how you truly feel. People  can only know our feelings based on what we let out. So we'll keep our perfectly pouted lips talking about something entirely different if we have nothing good to say about someone/something. Very evasive manoeuvre but who's keeping score.

Up to our usual antics!

There you go! Now go into the world and STOP Hating. Lose your Label! You can do it...I'm a Survivor. You can be one too. Thank Me later or Thank me Now!

Yours Truantly,


Myne Whitman said...

LOL...I was reading this and I was just laughing. I refuse to admit I am a hater, but I have used some of this tips before and they worked. Please can I share on my blog? Thanks!

bob-ij said...

Myne :::: LOL. A little bit in all of us. Ofcourse you can.

Lohi said...

LOL! But the fact that you still have those thoughts shouldn't it mean you are still a hater? Hating is not just what you say but always having bad thoughts about someone..In my opinion sha.

Also I don't think stating the obvious is hating. Its an opinion. Hating for me is going across the line to try to bring that person down and make them have low self esteem. Someone calling me ugly is not a them I might be..its their opinion. Now sending me tweets about my ugliness, anon comments on my blog and just being extreme with that is a hater...

Tyra said...

I think some people are not really haters, but they come across like that because they do not have that skill of filtering or refining what comes out of their mouth.

I agree with @Lohi ... and if you're only masking it, you're still a hater, no? Sometimes its very easy to spot those fake compliments from haters.

Tyra said...

I think some people are not really haters, but they come across like that because they do not have that skill of filtering or refining what comes out of their mouth.

@Lohi is making sense sha...

Myne Whitman said...

Thanks @bob-ij

Ladi tougher than Nigerian hair said...

LOVE the hair!!!!

I agree with Tyra, many people lack filters. Because we are all wired differently, we are all haters within and hated in return (eg. instead of getting congrats on my job in yankee, patriotic dude in naija is talking about how I'm not married and how I'm a runaway). Hate that he could've kept to himself!

We just need to bottle the negativity up and fling somewhere. I will pick on Nigerians are say because we don't filter our thoughts are just air our every darn opinion, we come off as haters.

I really love Toke, but... *reserves hater-esque commentary*

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bob-ij said...

Lohi::: The idea of not saying the thoughts is suppression hopefully to the point of change. Yes you are the most definitely still a hater, but you're trying not to be sort of thing. In terms of haing as an opnion, I feel likt the 'Opinion Card' is what we pull out to get away with hating. And Lohi someone calling you 'ugly' is hating, not an opinion. But if the person said you had 'unruly hips' that's an opinion *wink*

Tyra::: I totally get your point about the fake comments. Let's just hope the person gets over hating quickly enough before he/she is spotted. And there are candid indivuals. You tend not to 'hate' on/around complete strangers, so if you're not a candid person, it's easy for your surrounding friends to notice.

I can't say to what extent anyone is a hater. We each know ourselves . And if we're being completely honest, we can decided whether we are or not.

Ladi::: exactly, i feel like it's easy to tell when people are being envious. But that's just me!